Part 4
As soon as I settled it in myself that my priority would be my personal relationship with God, and became disciplined about that, rising up early and seeking Him, something amazing happened. It wasn’t long until in those mornings of prayer and Bible reading that God started speaking to me about including painting in my morning time with Him. As I obeyed His leading, He flooded me with opportunity after opportunity to paint, and to even make a living from my paintings. It was unmistakable - God was opening this door now! As I continued to pursue Him first, and continued to paint, He also filled me with an inner confidence that was like a well of living water. It was a confidence that sprung out of a heart that knew its Maker, a heart that trusted its Creator, a heart that aligned itself with what God said about me, rather than what the world or my past said. The condemning voice of the enemy that had torn me down got quieter, and the gentle and peaceful voice of the Holy Spirit got louder, encouraging me daily and helping me to grow stronger. For the first time in my life, even more so than when I was a young teenager, I felt more like myself than I had ever felt. I felt more like that young girl who was passionate about art and disciplined, but without the confidence issues. This time I was confident on the inside. I felt more on fire about pursuing my calling to be an artist, but without the fears and needs of approval attached to it.
In talking about my journey to becoming more myself in the area of art, I’ve actually talked more about the process then about the art itself, so I’ll share a little bit now about what I actually do. I am a painter, and my specialty has become painting very small paintings on eyewear frames. Yes you read that right. My husband makes these wonderful wooden eyewear frames that he designs and produces, and on this wooden canvas I paint tiny paintings inspired by the great masters of the art world. I’ve painted Van Gogh, Cezzane, Monet, Pissarro, Klimt, Dali, and many others. I’ve painted everything from abstract art, impressionism, to high realism. I’ve found that every step of the way, even when I thought surely I could not do it, God has helped my hand finish each work. I have been truly amazed at what God has helped me to accomplish, and how I have grown in confidence by doing it together with Him. When something difficult or challenging in my artwork arises, instead of running away from it, I lean even more on God to help me get through it. I know that if He brought me to it, He will help me walk through it, and I will be stronger because of it.
God has helped me to become ME! I don’t know how else to put it, but I am more myself now, then I ever was without God. The Holy Spirit working inside me has taken away all the condemnation and the bitterness and turned it into joy and confidence as I pursue my calling to be an artist. The greatest part of my journey of being earnestly and totally me is knowing that I can be fully me through Him who loves me. That includes me as an artist. My confidence is built on trusting God to work through me effectively as I trust Him, and I’ve never been let down. He is the vine and I am the branch, and when I abide in Him, His life naturally flows through me giving life to everything in me, strengthening me, and helping me to bear more fruit than I ever thought possible.
To Him be the glory.